roxysunshine212 (roxysunshine212) wrote,

Right now.

People talk when they have something to say. Most of the time I don’t have anything to say. Hence the reason I don’t speak up in class. I was the kid in the room who knew all the answers, but couldn’t formulate the response fast enough. It took me up until two years ago for me to get over that. And now with Spanish I feel worse. I have to participate for my grade. Twenty percent.

But that’s not the point of this. Actually, I seriously doubt a point being found in any of this. I had one to begin with and then I lost it when I started. Story of my life. Anyways. 

Most of the time I don’t have anything to say. I don’t have a strong opinion on most things. I let people believe what they want, do what they want. I go with the flow and I don’t challenge others. But for one time in my life I want to say something and have people listen. Maybe that’s why I don’t say anything to begin with. Why I remain quiet and listen so attentively to other people’s problems because I know that when it’s my turn to speak they’ll be tired from their retelling of life that they won’t really listen, like I did, to me. 

I know that there are plenty of people who say that they’ll listen to me. You’re probably one of them. I just want everyone to know that no one really knows me. That what they see is always the crazy and hyper and happy and helping me. No one has really seen me at my weakest. Yes, people have come close. If I have to say, two of my friends last semester would have witnessed me at a pretty low point. Which really wasn’t low at all since it was just about the same things as it always is, I just felt like sharing. And they were there for me… that time.
I need to find a person who will listen to me complain about the same three things. I need to find a person who will just sit and listen and not judge me or contradict me for complaining about the same three things. I need to find a person who doesn’t reply with “that sucks” or “I’m sorry.” I need to find a person who will talk back and have an actual conversation with me. I need to find a person to help me since I’m always the one helping others. I need to find a person.
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